Showing posts with label ParentMap. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ParentMap. Show all posts

The Skin You Are In



My new article is live today called The Skin You are In. This one is staring me down with some serious vulnerability. I struggle to express exactly what I want to say about my journey with depression, but I am feeling very supported in the process by many readers and look forward to what comes of this as I keep at it.  Thank you so very much.

In a recent radio show called Mental Moms from Maternally Yours, so much bravery and honesty was shared in the voices of guests that I am still thinking about it weeks later.  Be sure to have a listen to it and enjoy these last few weeks of being able to photograph a bit more of your skin.

The Writing Process Blog Tour

I was invited to participate in the Writing Process Blog Tour by my friend Trish Bittman.  Her delightful writing is raw, funny and filled with details of motherhood that I sometimes want to forget.  She is a freelance writer featured in many publications including Bainbridge Island Magazine, Inside Bainbridge, and Real Moms Guide at SheKnows.com.  Trish is a writer, blogger, Social Media Guru as well as a wife and mom to three girls.  She's a lover of martinis, dessert and 4-letter words and moved to Bainbridge Island after discovering it on the Internet.  It turned out to be all she hoped for and more.  Her blog is 3 Kids and a Breakdown.  Take a peek into Trish's writing process here.

I'm pretty giddy about being invited on this blog tour because of the amazing writers surrounding me.  The point is to connect like-minded people with special interests, so if you've ever wondered how other writers do what they do, all their answers are here!  Each writer tags up to three other writers answering the same four questions, so you can follow the links backward or forward to find some fascinating introspective.   Please follow the link below to my tagged writer, Sarah Sousa.  I really think she's fabulous.

Here goes!


What are you working on?
Currently, I write a monthly piece for Parentmap, about how self-portraiture has helped shift my perspective, especially when struggling with depression.  I have found it very healing to put myself, instead of my kids in front of my camera lens.  I love sharing this journey, one that used to consume me so secretly, with others.

I try my best to follow the good advice of my writing teacher and work for at least thirty minutes a day on my book.  I am writing a vibrant and sensuous memoir about depression and how it has affected me as a mom and wife.  

How does your work differ from others of its genre?
Although there is a memoir out there about everything and anything, I still feel there is more to say about depression as experienced by women.  It took me a while to write honestly about it and other dark aspects of marriage and mothering, but once I started expressing the underbelly of my troubles, the more people responded to my words.   I was trained as an artist and adore all things involving color and craft, therefore; my writing is rich with dream-like details.


Why do you write what you do?

"If there is a disjuncture between how women live and how they actually feel – which to me there is, in motherhood and marriage – I will feel entitled to attempt to articulate it." - Rachel Cusk

I write as a way to survive.  I started my blog as a lifeline, a daily practice to stay focused on the beauty in my life when I was feeling really down. My writing began as a personal practice that focused only on the happy stuff.  Now, it's a practice that keeps me honest, engaged and creative. The more I get to use my imagination to write honestly about a hard and secretive subject, the more fun life is.


How does your writing process work?

I begin by writing scenes because they lead me to what I really want to say. At least this is what I tell myself when I wonder what to write next. I love prompts and exercise which get me thinking about interesting ways to smell, touch and taste the words. I create little projects and deadlines in order to make progress on my book while trying to keep the self-criticism at bay. Once my kids are at school, I start pounding out the words. Since my little guy is only in pre-school twice a week, I cherish my six hours and never do housework at that time. It takes me a long time to write my pieces, and I hope to become more efficient (first I'll need to take some typing lessons.) Luckily, my husband believes in my writing time and understands my need to work versus cook or clean.  Maybe someday, I can support us while he does the housework, he's so much better at it!

Because Trish Bittman is the one who shared these exact steps in the Creative Process, I will share them again here too.  Now that I know these thoughts will occur every single time I sit down to write, I'm getting used to it.

1. This is awesome.

2. This is tricky.

3. This is shit.

4. I am shit.

5. This might be o.k.

6. This is awesome.


Okay, enough about me, now let me introduce you to the poet Sarah Sousa!  I fell in love with her poetry based on the red-leather diary of forty-two-year-old pregnant and abused farmhouse wife Esther Small from 1896.  Her poems have appeared or are forthcoming in The Massachusetts Review, Fugue, Passages North and Salt Hill Journal among others. Her first collection, Church of Needles, was published by Red Mountain Press in May 2014; her second collection, Split the Crow, will be published in late 2014 by Free Verse Editions (Parlor Press). She holds an MFA from Bennington College and lives in Western Massachusetts with her husband and two sons. www.sarahasousa.com


they just want their Mama

You will never be this loved again.  So on those days when you are feeling stressed out, touched out, and depleted, just remember that you will never be this loved again.  One day you will long for their affection.  So choose a soft voice, choose gentle hands, choose love. - AK


I love this quote because there are so many days like this.  I just want to push them away and say "No!  Leave me alone!" but it's not long before they return to my lap with all they know, they just want their Mama.  Their touch and smell often shock me back into the moment of how much I will miss them when they are gone.  With both hands, I can usually dive into the demands and pressures of mothering but one winter, I could not.  I continue to dig through this complex experience of mothering through writing.  In my latest article, I mention my dreams for the kind of family I wanted and start to describe what it felt like when I fell apart.

Shadow Selfies: Exploring the Isolation of Mothering 

This month, use abundant sunshine to take selfies with shadows. Say something about your relationships with posture.
  1. Using the textures and patterns of your life as a background, strike a pose that expresses you in bold or delicate ways.
  2. In 2007, thousands of hidden images were discovered by an unknown female street photographer/nanny. Check out the amazing film Finding Vivian Meier to appreciate endless beautiful images and an engaging story about her life.
  3. Try the free frames and effects at befunky or my favorite, the old Polaroid frame at picmonkey.
  4. Remember to attempt to copy what you love and give credit to those who’ve inspired you.
  5. Hashtag your Instagram photos #parentmapselfies, @parentmap so we see your creative images of parenting! 


The Secret Selfies From an Anxious and Depressed Mother




We've still got the spark!  Although after reading my latest article, you might be a bit concerned.  In a recent post, I made a promise to myself to up the ante with my writing.  Instead of writing about what feels safe, strangely enough, I feel better when I raise the stakes, take more risks and express how it honestly feels to be a wife and mother.  There is great relief in having said it.





The Secret of Selfies From an Anxious and Depressed Mother

My self portraits live here and I encourage you to play along as well.  I've included some fun tips for bringing yourself to center!  Post your selfies on Instagram with the hashtag #parentmapselfies

I'd like to thank Colette, Catherine and Joseph for being my help. If you're a Mom that struggles with your feelings as I do, they'd be glad to help.





something special going on


 

There is something special going on in Seattle right now and it's all about memoir.  



mem·oir
ˈmemˌwär,-ˌwôr/

noun
  1. 1.
    a historical account or biography written from personal knowledge or special sources.
    synonyms:accounthistoryrecordchroniclenarrativestoryportrayaldepiction,sketchportraitprofilebiographymonograph


  2. 2.
    an essay on a learned subject.


 I have been able to either take a class, listen to a reading, or participate in a workshop with each of these authors of my favorite books.  Besides really admiring these ladies as writers, I think they are fabulously smart, crazy inspiring and generous in the way they write and share with the world.  The fact that I have had the chance to learn from them in such accessible ways is something special. 





















I have become a memoir junky.  It's all I read.  The season of needing a good book with you on the beach or in a hammock is upon is!  Here's my list of favorite memoirs in four categories: Mothering, Food & Gardening, Finding Yourself, and What I Want to Read.



Mothering: 
A Life's Work by Rachel Cusk
Bloom by Kelle Hampton; photography included on the surprise birth of her daughter with Down Syndrome
Blue Nights by Joan Didion
Operating Instructions, Some Assembly Required by Anne Lamott
Planting Dandelions by Kyran Pittman

Food & Gardening:
Delancey and A Homemade Life both by Molly Wizenberg
Farm City and Gone Feral: Tracking My Dad Through the Wild (out in June 2014)
both by Novella Carpenter

Barnheart by Jenna Woginrich

Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver

Finding Yourself:
Wild by Cheryl Strayed 
Bossypants by Tina Fey
Writing Is My Drink by Theo Pauline Nestor 
Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin
Bird by Bird Anne Lamott

What I Want to read: 
I'm down Mishna Wolff 
"growing up in a poor black neighborhood with a single father, a white man who truly believed he was black."

Wave by Sonali Deraniyagala 
"Her family—parents, husband, sons—were swept away by a tsunami in Sri Lanka in 2004, only Sonali survived to tell their tale."

Girl, Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen 
"An account of her two years in the ward for teenage girls in a psychiatric hospital as renowned for its famous clientele—Sylvia Plath, Robert Lowell, James Taylor, and Ray Charles—as for its progressive methods of treating those who could afford its sanctuary."

The Amazing Thing About the Way It Goes: Stories of Tidiness, Self-Esteem and Other Things I gave Up On by Stephanie Pearl-McPhee
"A side-splitting series of short commentaries on everything from creative discipline to a way you would never think about fixing your email situation."


With all this reading and surrounding inspiration, I have decided to leap right in.  I recently accepted a gig as a monthly contributor to The Voice at parentmap.com
"Sometimes, as parents, the most helpful thing is to hear we're not alone.  Stories about the most heartwarming highs of parenting (and the most chaotic, difficult lows) connect us as a parenting community.  Read about parents just like you navigating everyday tough spots and totally amazing triumphs, and get inspired and comforted by their journeys."

My articles will be about how helpful self portraiture has been for me while dealing with anxiety and depression (and the effects that has on my marriage.)  Putting myself instead of my kids in front of the lens has changed my perspective, be less afraid of my own feelings, as well as express my mood.  I'll jokingly call it:

The (anxious and depressed) Mother's Guide to Healing through Self-portraiture 


It feels risky and exciting to be putting it all out there and taking the plunge with my photos and very personal subject matter.  I might fall (but hopefully not too far) and if I do, the support I feel in the writing community in Seattle is incredible.  It is so supportive in fact that I feel I could actually write my own book and I am trying to do that very thing.  In my current class with Claire Dederer, she likes to stress the idea that writing memoir is one of the most generous things you can do, as well as humiliating.


I'm pretty into that.  You may not see me in this space much anymore, but I hope to swing by here with some news and pics every two weeks.  This blog started it all a little over a year ago.   I am eternally grateful for those of you that visit here and I Thank You.  See what I mean about supportive?  Wish me luck!




Secret Gardens




When I was asked to write an article titled 10 Secret Gardens around Seattle for Kids and Families, I was curious what I would find.  There was so much to choose from, which meant I was going to explore my absolute favorite parts of this verdant city of mine.   I was sure to follow up on suggestions about honey bee gardens, fragrant gardens for the blind and deaf-blind, and special community gardens for the elderly and children gardening together.  But to my surprise, I also discovered: a leprechaun hunt, the most amazing driftwood climbing structure ever, a cosmological adventure that answered some of my most mysterious questions and just how far people will go to save old gardens and build new ones that have meaning to them.  Check out this impressive list:






More than anything I was motivated to start digging and cultivating myself!  So I grabbed that envelope of seeds that I saved from last year's plants and decided to see what would happen!  Here's wishing you happy start to the growing season!