My fledgling

i sit on the grass this morning

my girl beside me looks up with nervous eyes

wondering if she can do this

i lie in bed one evening

my baby girl in my arms looks up with curious eyes

i wonder if i can do this

i hear her voice when she says she's nervous

she is next

we both know it's mostly excitement

she is ready

i hear his voice singing to her 

soothing her cries

she is only minutes old

are we ready

sitting in my lap, i feel the easy soft weight of her little brother

as he watches transfixed upon the scene before him

nothing distracting him from the wonder of this moment

when his sister will jump the log

sitting in the spring sun years ago 

i feel her hands on my skin

she declares i have a baby in my belly

even before i know it

the warmth of my husband's leg touches mine
i am relieved that the disagreement we had an hour ago has faded away
the irony of it while biking here
who is leading or following

the warmth of my husband's leg touches mine on the bed
i am trying to breastfeed my newborn
we are both shocked and overwhelmed
at what it takes in these early days
during round-the-clock vigils of feedings
simply to keep her alive
we constantly ask ourselves
who is leading or following

i am in two places at once

then

now

forever

 

i comfort myself

i'm ready

it's okay to cry

huge swollen feelings fill my heart and my eyes

full of love for her and all she has accomplished in her little life

if i could have a turn

i would jump that log at the simple joy of her being alive

still here with us

thriving into such a big girl 

with that gorgeous toothless grin

her name means "small winged one"  

i often call her birdie

this is her day to take flight

taking all she has learned and grown into

she gathers it into one leap

one bound