Absorbed by Art

"That's when I realized I had made a mistake. I had been ignoring this museum, thinking it was off limits because I have young children.

When my daughter was a toddler, we sauntered in to experience the Alexander Calder exhibit and broke all the rules. She crawled under the tables with the sculptures resting atop. She crossed lines on the floors. We ate in the gallery. The security guards nicely asked us to leave. We never came back.

It was a loss. I didn’t grow up going to museums often. But when I was in a BFA program at an art school located in the basement of a major museum, I had the luxury of spending hours in front of pieces of art that captured my attention. I’d sit on the floor and stare at the details of my favorite pieces. I’d copy what I loved, making discoveries about myself."

My review of the Miro exhibit currently at the Seattle Art Museum is a wonderful reminder of all the things I want for my kids, but sometimes cast aside when they don't work out the first time.  How will they be comfortable in museums?  Will they know what it feels like to be swallowed up by a painting that is so enormous and colorful it fills their entire periphery?   I want them to experience some of the wonder and magic that I did when I first became absorbed by art, yet taking them to museums scares me.

While I was at the SAM, I spent the morning alone wandering through the galleries, gazing at Miro's colorfully painted dreamscapes and funky sculptures.  I found nooks and crannies of space carved out for families and I realized the museum had been designed with parents in mind.  There's space for families with tantruming toddlers that need a place to take refuge.  When I sat down and took a minute to rest, I clicked some quick pics with my phone.  I added them to the group at my self-portraiture workshop and realized maybe I am still participating in the world of art and making discoveries about myself.

All Y'all Moms Out There

At my first appointment with my new therapist, she gave me some homework.  I am to jot down ten or more times when I felt like me.  Then I am to write in detail about five of them.  We are making a collection of words and experiences that describe me.  Which has got me liking her already and wondering, "When do I feel like me?" 

I was gifted the day to myself yesterday by my husband (while he stayed home with the kids and their illnesses)  Craving some fresh air and an adventure I went to the mountains and skied for the first time this season.  I was alone on the slopes all day for the first time in eight years.  As I drove up in elevation, so did my anxiety.  Would I be lonely or afraid? 

I was afraid at times, but only because I put myself in a few precarious situations on sketchy terrain riddled with creeks and boulders that I never knew were under there (don't worry Mom, I was in yelling distance from the trail.)  Now I know what "early season conditions" means: pay close attention to caution signs because there's not enough snow yet to cover that which you didn't expect to be there.  I was good to go as soon as I took off my skis and hiked back up to the trail.  

However, I was definitely not lonely, thanks so social media, I was messaging with my favorite ski buddies from the lift.  When I eventually turned off my phone and got used to being solo,  I appreciated the solitude.  I took the next picture just to remind myself of that feeling of being alone in the middle of great wilderness.  I was the only person around for most of my runs yesterday and it was such a thrill.  Especially since it's been nearly ten years since I ventured out without my kids or found myself far enough away from civilization to remember how much I like that feeling.

I 

Although being a Mom of young children can be fraught with isolation, you are never alone.  In the midst of keeping other beings alive, especially when they start out so helpless, you might slowly forget who you are.  I never thought this would happen to me, but I think it's the nature of giving parenting your all.  I thought about all y'all moms (and Dads and caretakers) out there who are feeling a bit trapped at home.  I wondered what you would do if you had an entire day to yourself to explore that which you adore?  What if you could take the day off alone just for you?  Tell me what you would do.

I am so grateful to my husband for allowing me to remember myself a little bit more in order to appreciate returning home.  Now I know one thing to add to my homework; something that was buried deep under the snow, but early season ski conditions exposed it: I feel like me when I am in solitude.  

Wild Thing

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On our way to the mountains to cut our own tree, it was a rare sunny day after a light snow.  The kids had fallen asleep in the car.  When they awoke to the wintry wonderland, their huge smiles and giddy excitement were my early Christmas gift.  I was equally ecstatic about shooting pictures in such gorgeous light (and even getting some of them wearing my hand knits!)    We hiked into steep places looking for the perfect tree, which was beginning to get hilariously frustrating.  "I like that one," I told him way up there.  "But I can't drag it down here," he said.  I started to ask myself, "Why are we cutting a tree from the forest and bringing it home anyway?"

 

Being in a huge rain forest, all the trees towered above.  The ones our size were getting very little light, growing spindly and skinny.  We ended up cutting one by the road, and wrestled it onto our car while the kids enjoyed the show.  I've never harvested a tree from the wild before and now fully appreciate the ease of our beloved salmon-safe tree farm.  I have also never had to trim my tree, this one needed quite a bit of a haircut before it fit into our living room.  Of course once the lights and ornaments were hung, we thought she was a beautiful wild thing.

Ushering Us Into Winter

It was a chilly morning when we started our Mama and Son Day so we warmed up at the donut shop.  Then we parked our bike at our local P-Patch and I was astounded by the frosty gardens, the beautiful combination of lichen & berries and a tree that surprised us with a canopy of persimmons overhead.  I'm loving this string of cold sunny days, ushering us into winter.  It's perfect for playing around with my iPhone camera and sun glare.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Watching Spawners

Yesterday, we watched and we saw a lot of this.  

There were so many doing their best to move upstream.

Some were done doing what they were called to do.

Those that were still trying captivated us with their 

sudden flapping, squirming bursts of energy and persistence. 

  

That's good old Seattle for you.  Our cloudy, nearly dark November afternoons are just right for calling friends at the last minute to say, "Want to meet at Carkeek to see the spawning salmon?"  

I had heard about this for years, but never went to see for myself.  Now, I have such gratitude that the restoration of Piper's Creek which began more than twenty years ago.  Every year between 100 and 600 chum salmon that started their lives here two to five years ago return as 10 to 22 pound adult fish.   My kids thought it was kinda neat, but we adults knew restoring a creek within city limits to allow for this type of natural phenomena to return was nothing short of amazing. 

Memories of Autumn

 

 

My children's memories of autumn will include:

• The annual running with a herd of kids in order to chase down a pumpkin that will soon explode upon hitting the ground after having just been launched from a trebuchet.
• Riding on ponies that she has known since she was two.
• A first pony ride for him (that will soon become one of many) around that sunflower loop
• Indian Runner ducks that I promise we will have someday, please!
• A fiddle, a banjo, a guitar and some bales of hay, because that's all you really need.
• Choosing their favorite from the tastes of cinderella, hubbard, spaghetti, carnival, and kobocha squash, served simply roasted
• Perfect pumpkin patch smiles
• An in depth treasure hunt for small hand-held gourds
• Lot's of talk about Laura, Mary, Ma, Pa and Jack while waiting for the horse drawn wagon
• My delight in finally learning the name of my new favorite squash ~ Sugar loaf!
• How lovely it is to warm your hands with a cup of warm apple cider after a long day at our favorite biodynamic farm.